Evolution of My Ideas...and Myself....
Note: After I posted the last two blog post – about Abhishek, that he initiated – I received couple of thank you e-mails from him…See below…
Thank you so much, sir.
I was agnostic; I thought that religion, in the grand scheme of things, was not important in my life and have never shared my feelings of atheism with anyone until now.
I am thankful and grateful that my beliefs are respected by you. :)
I responded to him and opened up about my thoughts a bit…Then I decided to expand it and post it on the blog…for today…
Spirituality has been always part of me…I have written in the blog that I always dreamed of monasteries and the peaceful halls in them…I guess it comes from my father…He was the church musician, the choir master and composer too…I still listen to Divine Liturgy every Sunday morning…That is the music in my house…My wife appreciates it too…Sometimes I burn incense too…I love the aroma and I love the atmosphere that it brings with it…
I always wanted to be in a monastery…By myself…with peace and my thoughts…That has always been both necessary and sufficient for me…But it happened only intermittently, for few days or weeks…
While growing up, I was sort of religious …Not religious in the traditional sense…But rather religious as defined by myself…
When I was young…Religious meant to rebel against every and all kinds of injustice…I wanted to speak freely and I wanted everyone to love and respect each other…That never happened…People were selfish and jealous of each other…And also it landed me in hot water over and over again…So much so that I got used to it…It became part of me…
Sartre ... "The Exit..."
In my early 20s I got enchanted with Dostoevsky, Sartre, Camus, Andre’ Gide, Andre’ Malraux ...and the rest…like philosophers Kierkegaard and Nietzsche … And that lead me to espouse “existentialism”…
In my early 20s I got enchanted with Dostoevsky, Sartre, Camus, Andre’ Gide, Andre’ Malraux ...and the rest…like philosophers Kierkegaard and Nietzsche … And that lead me to espouse “existentialism”…
Existentialism is a term applied to the work of certain late 19th- and 20th-century philosophers who, despite profound doctrinal differences, shared the belief that philosophical thinking begins with the human subject—not merely the thinking subject, but the acting, feeling, living human individual. In existentialism, the individual's starting point is characterized by what has been called "the existential attitude” or a sense of disorientation and confusion in the face of an apparently meaningless or absurd world. Many existentialists have also regarded traditional systematic or academic philosophies, in both style and content, as too abstract and remote from concrete human experience.
All along math and sciences were part of my existence and thoughts … Everything should be well reasoned and logical…But that lead me into trouble too…
The world did not make sense…
· The Soviet Union was a prison of nations and aspirations…Did not allow any freedom of thought and action…Dogma replaced Marxism and Stalinism was suffocating everything and anything…
· The U.S. was mired in its Vietnam adventure and wanted to subjugate …. of course they said “liberate” and introduce “democracy”, very similar to Iraq and Afghanistan …whatever they were unable to supress by the might and glory of the dollar…
· The West was wallowing in post-WW II decadence and the Soviet Union in dogmatic idiocy…
· The “Thirst World” was trying to liberate itself from both decadent absurdity of the West and the doctrinaire and inflexible and infallible diktat of the East…
The youth was in a quandary and the impasse generated the existential allure of philosophy…
The youth rebelled…I was euphoric and got involved…
Paris - 1968 ....and Montreal...
· French youth led the way…Paris was illuminated by the spirit of the French Revolution once more…
· The U.S. youth inspired the world with the anti-Vietnam movement … University at Berkeley was were to be…
· The “Third World” was in a rebellious mood…and rejected both – Soviets and U.S. hegemony alike…
· The Czech Spring was stimulating and encouraging…motivating and exciting…
Prague - 1968 ... and the hope...
Chicago convention ... U.S. Youth had a "dream"...
A NEW WORLD was in the offing…But not so fast… The Soviet tanks crushed the Czech Spring…Trampled the freedoms and hopes of so many on the left…The U.S. police killed students at Kent university and beat the demonstrators in Chicago…The bullets killed Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King…The bullets assassinated the aspirations and the hope of the youth…
The birth of the NEW WORLD was aborted…
Math remained an intrinsic part of myself…In whatever I did…logic and reason had to exist…Math was fun, but never and end in itself… At one point I just got bored with imagining “n-dimensions” …Imagining infinity and n-dimensions depressed me… at times it even bored me… ennui began to set in… I indeed got jaded, exhausted, at times … Math was beautiful … logical … but it was never enough…Math had to be related to my everyday existence and life…
I found solace in “Liberation Theology”…I found a new path…
Camilo Torres - Revolutionary priest..."Let the Children Come to Me..."
Liberation theology is a socio-political movement in Roman Catholic theology which interprets the teachings of Jesus in relation to liberation from unjust economic, political, or social conditions. It has been described as "an interpretation of Christian faith through the poor people’s suffering, their struggle and hope, and a critique of society and the Catholic faith and Christianity through the eyes of the poor" …
I abandoned writing and agitating and started teaching…
He said it perfectly well... That's what I meant when I insisted that "you kids are not an empty bag that I have to fill in facts...That's just knowledge...I want you to be educated...That is thinking critically..."
I was hoping for a New World…but the system crushed my hopes…and now with so much agitation and turmoil and killings and despair around the globe …So many wars and confusion…in the Global Village ... It reminds me of 1968…
We tried…and we changed…just a bit…The Soviet Union is not around anymore…The West and the U.S. are confused and decadence is reigning supreme again…
May be it is time for a new attempt…But I am not young anymore…May be it’s YOUR turn now…and I will be with you 100%...
Throughout my experience I learned … I am still learning…and at present I insist that ALL of us are created GOOD…but the “GOOD” is just like money in the bank…
· Money in the bank is just colourful paper…
· Goodness is just like colourful paper…
· If you take that money out of the bank…and spread around…It will do so much good…It will benefit so many communities…the world.
· If you ACT on your goodness…then things will be so much better…The world will change… and ALL will be happier…
Spreading the goodness is what counts...and in that sense... God becomes irrelevant, in a sense...So you "not believing is NOT A BIG DEAL...Who cares...DO THE GOOD... and ACT...
After all, listen again to the Big Man...
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